Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Father Goose: Nursery Rhymes for Dirty Old Men

Here are some nursery rhymes I've attributed to the fictional "Tidewriter" Karl Schitz. They are part of an (again fictional) anthology of Tidewriter writings. These samples are some of the "cleaner" ones...



ROSES

Roses are dead
Violets are too
And everything else
Is in the queue




MY DAMNED OLD LADY

My damned old lady moved us into a shoe
I told her it would stink, but what could I do?
She was the one who paid the rent
So I smelled like dirty feet wherever I went




BARTENDER, BARTENDER

Bartender, Bartender
Mix me a drink
Make it a double
So I can't think
Shake it and pour it
Then let it be
Slap it on the zinc
For thirsty me




THERE WAS A CROOKED MAN

There was a crooked man and he had a crooked mind
He robbed a crooked bank and he did some crooked time
He filtched some crooked cheese and he caught a crooked mouse
And they lived with all the crooks in the crooked Big House




A CAT CAME STUMBLING

A cat came stumbling out of a bar
Walked into the street, got hit by a car
He died right away and so it goes...
They washed off the blood with a fire hose

No comments: